The Heart Feels It All

Sometimes I don't know if it is a blessing to be given a heart that feels it ALL. I have no idea why I just take on every one's heartaches or discouragements and then in turn try to make it "all better" for them in any way possible. I feel as of God has blessed me with the char ism of giving. I truly believe that. But it is so hard for me to see those suffering around me and not feel that suffering right along with them. I wonder if God wants me to be of service to them or just to suffer along with them spiritually as to alleviate some of that suffering by sharing their pain through prayer. I pray incessantly for them and for the return of their joy and peace of heart yet it's just inundates me at times. I find refuge in God and his Love for me. I ask daily for his strength and that the Holy Spirit may illuminate my soul. I need to know, I guess, that by praying for these souls that I am doing something good for them even if they shut me out.



I try so hard to share the love within with others in form of verbal communication but if that door is shut then I can't enter other than with profound prayer and contemplative mental prayer. Does anyone know what I am talking about???? sometimes I want to scream that out at the top of my lungs!!! Do my words not make sense? is it really that foreign of a concept or idea for others to understand that Love is something that is to be shared?. The only comfort I find these days is that of our what our great saints left behind. Their writings, their feelings, their despair, their confusion and their enlightenment when they left themselves completely open to the Diving Providence, the divine action of God. It's as if i speak another language and they are the only ones who understand. I am NO saint or mystic by any means. but i understand what they are saying when they speak in terms of the soul and how she speaks to God and NEEDS God. I see souls all around me. The problem is that i see my own soul and I wonder what state she is really in. Is she sustained in grace? Am i dong what i can to nourish her to lead her "home"? Does she really assimilate what God is telling her and how to go forward?




Ah, the benefits of solitude. I have enclosed myself in a shell of spiritualism of deep reflection of what I am to do and how to focus on God's will yet in that protective layer of God's Love I still find it to be a great need of mine to worry, be concerned, love and reach out to those who are lost or overwhelmed. My heart feels it all. Not because I dictate it to, but rather by a much more greater force that leads my heart to others. In a world overcome by darkness, sin and doubt I find my small flickering light to be fragile. Overtaken by those around me who draw from the light yet I go to my Father to get more direction. Am I to serve others? absolutely.

I read recently n a small book by St. Jose Maria Escriva The Forge "you must place love, where there is no love to OBTAIN love". How true that is. I had to read that several times. you cannot obtain love if you do not do your part- is how i took it. you must plant the seed, tend to it, and care for it to watch it flourish and grow. Love is the answer to all of life's questions. In other words, having God within, love at it's purest is the only way to get attain that love within to share with others. And as fragile as I feel now, and as alone in my mind thoughts as I feel right now, I have to have faith that God is fueling my heart to love more and to give more. I truly feel our hearts were created to love God first and to serve him through serving others with that same love filled heart.

Maria :)