Cabin Fever

This winter has been incredibly long and cold. Between studying and working I have had no time to really sit down to write down thoughts. And thoughts I have had plenty! There is something about being cooped up due to the weather and feeling as Spring will never get here that really plays games with one's mind. But Alas! Winter is necessary as it prepares us for the beauty to come. I've experienced a winter within my soul that has left me wanting the Lord to revive me so very desperately. Some call it the dark night of the soul, or aridity. It is when you perceive the loss of God's presence that all becomes eerily still. The feelings of despair and anxiousness begin to invade the mind and you wonder, am I alone? These are the moments that although I know I may feel alone it is when God is the closest to me. I can feel Him wanting me to hold on to Him tightly while I go through these moments of anguish in determining my next move or thought. SoI hold on very tightly. I wrap my arms around Him and hold on for the storm to pass. And it always does. As our beloved and great St. Teresa de Avila (Jesus)says "This too shall pass, God Alone Suffices." How very true. How I absolutely love our beautiful faith, the Catholic faith. Giving us such incredibly humble saints to emulate.

God gives me strength and courage to endure every cross He may feel I need to carry for ANY reason He feels necessary. It is up to us to carry and love and embrace our crosses with great Love and the crosses we are given to bear are given to us with Great Love. This winter has been a lesson of sorts for me. I realized that when I saw fall approaching that I was to brace myself for the harsh and cold winter that was to come. In my soul the same occurred. I can usually sense when I am being prepared to be left to my own devices to put into practice the virtues that I am so desperately trying to attain and perfect. I am tested time and time again and I welcome it. I know that winter will have to come to an end both in season and metaphorically speaking. God knows what He is doing, I do NOT. I am at His mercy with every single breath that I take. I have nothing to call my own, and I want nothing other than what God wills for me.

Oh the ridiculous attachments that we set before us. The distractions we entertain as futile attempts to escape His will for us! There is nothing this world can offer me that I would want more than the desire to be with Him. I sometimes wonder why I am not a nun. I can completely understand why a soul would want to find solace in God and in contemplation for the rest of their days. Silly attachments to creatures, to things, to this world...when will I ever learn?

But even so, even with the harsh winter and the chilling breeze that encircles my soul like a vulture waiting for the death, it will not defeat my will to surrender my heart to God. The love I have in my heart remains in tact. No one can take that from me. Nothing can dim that light in my heart for God continually fuels that fire for me, keeping warm the love and faith that I so treasure, a warmth like embers within.....tell me, what creature or thing could even come close to bringing this joy in suffering? NONE. God alone sustains my soul. I am forever yours Lord. All Glory and honor is yours Almighty Father. Forever and Ever.


Pax
Maria :)